XIII. Houseboats

Everyone loves boats. Kids love boats, dogs love boats, old people love boats, gay people love boats, midgets love boats, even boats love boats. So you may be asking yourself, what’s better than a boat or what can make a boat even better than it already is? A houseboat, of course!

This Homemade Houseboat is "Leisure Island"

One of Man’s Greatest Creations: The Houseboat

No one thought it was possible; not even God but when he saw Man combine two of the best things on earth, he instantly got an erection the size of the Atlantic Ocean. As he saw Man fasten together a home and a floating vessel he smiled upon his master creation. I know it seems unimaginable but when Man invented Houseboats, it did get better. Such a vessel could do things things beyond his wildest dreams (which as everyone knows are always about bacon and naked women with guns or naked women eating bacon while shooting guns).

Houseboats - A Dream Come True

Houseboats made it possible to have more freedom than a trailer because a houseboat IS a trailer – on water! No address, no property taxes; only you, your 7 kids, 2 dogs, 3 wives and grill. Oh, don’t forget your alcohol, tank top and flip flops. Fantastic!

Houseboats don’t have to be shitty homemade trailers on floating platforms; they can luxurious vessels worthy of Tom Cruise and the Church of Scientology.

Finely Crafted Scientology Houseboats

The Perfect Combination

Houseboats are symbols of freedom which, of course, is why we love them so much. What do people love more than freedom? Easy – Big Screen Televisions and canceled Fox Shows like Arrested Development and Firefly. That’s OK because you can do this in your houseboat – perfect!

This Luxurious Houseboat features a slide and two car garage in a quiet neighborhood

Houseboats are a portrait of the American Dream

Yes, houseboats are truly a portrait of the American Dream: freedom, water, booze, cigarettes, grills, women and aliens. No one living in this great country should go without experiencing one of man’s greatest creations – The Houseboat.

Sorry T-Pain - you're not a houseboat