XII. Classical Music

Classical Music is like a symphony of pure sophistication when played, everything you do becomes more important and dramatic. That report you’re working on right now – BAM, higher priority level. That mouse you just used to click “send” in your e-mail now has become a much more bold and self-assured click. It was a mouse click of mother fucking CONFIDENCE because of Classical Music.

It’s what is associated with bookstores and coffee shops or a different time past where men wore funny white wigs, makeup and suspicious tunics. Tip: Never trust a man in a tunic. Most of the time you can make any situation more sophisticated when classical is played except for Flea Markets, Trailers and CiCi’s Pizza Restaurant. Nothing is sophisticated at CiCi’s Pizza; see picture below.

Om Nom Nom - CiCi's Pizza Buffet Senior Citizen Day

Beethoven, Bach, Mozart or Tchaikovsky is who you think of, mainly because it was probably what they taught you in Elementary School. Studies have shown that Deaf and Gay people are just easier to teach to small children. Hell, Beethoven got a movie deal and Bach only got a coloring book, what the hell?

Classical Music is what is associated with a classy, well-read person. No, not Mr. Peanut but someone in a suit and monocle. This person also probably eats Brunch on Sunday and learned how to read in the womb. This is appropriate because anybody of less class devalues the sophistication of this music.

It’s a fact that if you’re a musical composer you must always be semi-disgruntled or pissed off. This is what gives you edge and makes you more interesting; see examples below.

Beethoven hard at work

I suppose being deaf would make me pissed off, too.

Classical Music is simply the best music that has ever been created (besides RUSH but that doesn’t count because RUSH is the official soundtrack of space and time).

I will end this entry with a delightful picture of RUSH in 1978